Admiration
by ChibiHarika
Summary: BakuYami? KaiYami? VOTE FOR OFFICIAL PAIRING! "Maybe it's not love... maybe I just admire him. Even so, my heart belongs to him." "Then we have something in common." "And why's that" "Because we both gave our hearts to someone, who'd never love us back."
1. Admiration

****

Admiration

Disclaimer: Yugioh (c) 1996 Kazuki Takahashi

Warnings/Notes: Shounen-ai implications.

* * *

Currently Yami sat contentedly on Yugi's living room couch. After all, today was a Saturday night, it was raining, and Yami had nothing to do except to stare off into space.

"Are you going to tell him?" a voice asked suddenly from the shadows of a dark corner.

"Tell who_ what_?" Yami asked coolly before he brushed away stray blonde hair strands from his flashing crimson eyes, an air of superiority surrounding him. He didn't even turn around on the couch to face the stranger; he didn't need to.

A smirk was set in place. "That you find him _fascinating_."

"Find _who_ fascinating?" Yami shifted in his seat before he laid back casually on the couch, arms crossed behind his head while he stared uninterestedly at the ceiling above him. Yami knew who the person was talking about, but he didn't want to admit that he did. Yami just couldn't… because if he did, he knew he would be hurting himself even more than he needed to.

"You know _who_," the voice seemed to sneer at him.

Yami narrowed his eyes, still facing the ceiling, "Apparently, I don't. Care to ask your questions more _specifically_?" He was starting to get irritated with the other man.

A smile grew its way to the said stranger's berry lips at having ticked the Pharaoh off just a bit. "You should know, after all, you just _adore_ him."

Yami shifted once again and turned to his side, facing the back of the couch. "_I_ don't _adore_ anyone."

"Nuh ah uh…" he said in a slight sing-song voice, "no lying now. You'll only hurt yourself." He smirked.

Yami growled from under his breath. He was loosing control. Yami's eyes flashed dangerously. He didn't like loosing control. He forced himself to calm down as he forced his tone of voice to do the same. "I think I'll be doing the hurting… but the one who'll be experiencing it is you," he said smoothly with his deep silky voice.

"Ch." There was a sound of quiet footsteps moving towards the couch before it stopped right behind Yami's back, a warm breath tickling Yami's exposed neck.

Said Pharaoh had to restrain himself from punching the guy straight in the face. He couldn't take the teasing the other man was giving him. Yami's eyes softened as though he was about to cry, his eyes glazed with unavoidable pain.

A sigh. "What do you want?" Yami asked faintly as he shifted under the intense gaze he knew he felt on his back.

A smile. "Are you sure you'd like me to answer that?" He tucked blond bangs behind the Pharaoh's ear, and bent down to said ear and whispered calmly, "Are you sure you want to _know_…?"

Silence.

"Why are you doing this?" Yami asked again his soft voice, almost as if he was hurt by the closeness of the stranger.

The unwelcome guest just continued to smile and sent a soft kiss on Yami's neck, his lips just brushing over the sensitive skin there. "Doing… what? Didn't you tell me that you wanted… _this_? That you _needed_ this?"

Yami shifted again in an attempt to bring more distance between him and his intruder. "This…" he said barely above a whisper. "I don't like _this_…"

Seeing that there was more room on the couch for him, the stranger laid next to Yami's form, molding his body against Yami's. The all too familiar presence behind him, the person holding him, Yami hated it. The unwanted caresses, the violation of hands traveling over where they should not be… He ignored all of it. He ignored the moans and groans that involuntarily escape his tightly closed mouth. He ignored the ghostly skin touching his own lightly tanned one. Instead, he imagined that long slender, pale fingers were pushing up his shirt off of his body, silky brown hair that he was clenching in his fists... The scent of honey and spice filling his nostrils instead of one musky and bitter. Blue eyes that he oh so wish to gaze into, glazed with passion and lust.

He wanted and needed that person with him, to whisper comforting words when he was down, to hug his shivering form to keep him from the cold.

But he didn't have someone like that. Instead, he had to use this person whom he despised… he at one time would've begged the other man to do this, to love him. But he hated that love that flowed so easily from the other man. He hated the tender touches of care; the little kisses and teases and nips that Yami's "lover" gave him.

Clothes were shed and left forgotten on the floor. _Forgotten_… did Yami forget? That he was the one who told the man that he was free to do as he wish? Wasn't it his fault that the other man came into his home and violated him? He didn't enjoy it… it was just something that needed to be done. Both of them knew that. Yami wanted to receive love, and the other man gave it to him with unspoken promises that was waiting to be broken. Yami wanted them to break now… He wasn't ungrateful for the care he received, in fact, he was most thankful for it.

Time was spent quietly later on as the couple laid contentedly on the couch, listening to the soothing sound of the rain hitting the rooftop.

"What do you feel for him? Do you know yet?" the intruder broke through the silence.

Yami shook his head slowly, exhaustion finally taking its role.

"Do you… love him?" the question fell softly from Bakura's lips, as if he was afraid of the answer. So many times he had asked this, and so many times he had not received any reply except for a soft brush of lips to lips and a "Shh…".

"Maybe it's not love… maybe I just admire him. Even so, my heart belongs to him," the answer surprised him and Yami both.

"Then we have something in common," Bakura smiled a small smile.

"And why's that?" Yami asked hesitantly.

"Because we gave our hearts to someone, who'd never love us back."

Yami chocked back a sob, tears threatening to fall. "Is that so…?"

A slow nod.

"And who does your heart belong to…?" he asked faintly.

Bakura smiled softly as he trailed his hand to Yami's chest where his heart was beating quietly. "You."

The tears fell quietly from Yami's eyes now, his eyes clenching and opening.

"Bakura…?" the name fell so easily from Yami's mouth, he didn't even get to register that he was the one who spoke the name so casually, before said thief replied with a tired "hmm?".

Yami hesitated for a long time until a small smile found its way to his lips. "Arigatou…"

Bakura knew as well as didn't know why Yami had thanked him, but he smiled anyways and held Yami tighter.

Yami smiled and smiled and smiled throughout the whole night… the rain continued patting gently on top of his roof, and his tears continued to fall. Because even though his body belonged to Bakura, his heart belonged to Seto. Both of them knew that silently, but still, they continued to make love, even if the love came out from one side, and admiration from the other. Yami admired Bakura for his love, and that's all Bakura needed to retain it, all for Yami, _his_ Yami.

It was no wonder why he loved the darkness so much.

* * *

PS. Me was sick while writing it. Headache and fever and sore throat and all that crap. One of the reasons why I wrote a BakuYami fiction for once. Haha. D

Ai,

Harika Huynh


	2. Autumn

****

Admiration

Disclaimer: Yugioh ©1996 Kazuki Takahashi

Warnings/Notes: Shounen-ai implications. Yami's POV. 5 hours, new record.

**suicide-greeting** Haha. I'm glad you liked it. Thanks for reviewing!

**Pysche** Truthfully… I was leaving it as a one-shot. But seeing as though you want me to continue, I might as well, haha. :Sweatdrop:

**Kimmy Nagasaki:Queen of Games **Thanks! Tehe, yes it is full of fluffiness indeed… in a sort of malicious way. XD;;

**Alexa.G** There wasn't suppose to be other chapters… :Sweatdrop: but I'll try to have a plot and continue this… er… as long as I _can_ continue it… :sighs: Thanks though! I'll update and update so you can review and review… bwuahahahaha. Cough.

There wasn't suppose to be other chapters… :Sweatdrop: but I'll try to have a plot and continue this… er… as long as I continue it… :sighs: Thanks though! I'll update and update so you can review and review… bwuahahahaha. Cough.

Please review and thank you to all who have so far!

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It was so _cold_… I shut my eyes tightly closed, curling into a fetal position; your arms still loose around my waist where you had and will always leave them. To remind me that I was yours, to let me know, heart achingly enough, that I could never escape your grasp so easily, to let me _always_ know you were there… _I_ was _cold_…

I squirmed in my position, unconsciously rubbing against your chest, an involuntary movement in order to seek warmth from _someone_. I was sub-consciously aware of your arms tightening their hold on me, your hair now tickling my cheek as your head fell-ever so lightly- on my shoulder; your breath mingling with my own as I tilt my head upwards to gaze at your fair face, in a state of gratification. Yet, even though, so close I was to you, I was still _just so cold_.

Doushite??

I squirmed to turn to my other side, my chest now against your chest; your hair falling in my face as I shift to bury my face in the silky silver mass you so casually call hair. Yet, still…

"I'm so _cold_…" I breathed out to myself, shifting even more to press against your body in desperate need of warmth of any kind, "why am I still so… cold…?"

Doushite??

I needed the warmth that I felt radiate from your body, and I received it, I did. Yet… yet… why was I so _cold_?! Heat rose to my face and hot wetness traveled down from closed eyes; your hair now damp with salty tears I realized too late were coming from me. Was I that depressed and gloomy? That just because you could make me hot and mew like a cat, whimpering under your touches; you couldn't make me _warm_ from _love_ and _care_?

I bit down on my lower lip, pushing away the now damp hair that clung to your wet neck, I murmured quietly and softly to you in your now exposed ear, "Why am I cold, Bakura…? I thought you loved me… isn't that the reason why I came to you, seeking love and comfort? Yet, why, why Bakura, why am I still so cold…? Even if receiving your body, did I receive your love with it? Didn't you always tell me you gave your heart to me? Didn't that mean you loved… me…?"

Maybe it's not love, maybe I just admire him. Even so, my heart belongs to him.

The words came back to me, so clearly they did. I heard my own voice, full of sincere and pain, speaking in my mind, to remind me that I did not even love you. Why did I always keep you like this? Didn't you feel… hurt? To be used by me, only for pleasure and using your "love" to always bring you back to me? You knew that for long I would throw you away, but you also knew that I would never. For in me, was where your heart laid, and even if I did not enjoy that persisting thought, we were connected by a thin string. The thin string… thin… a thin line between love and hatred…? A thread waiting to be cut, yet so strong it will just bend and come back again to its original form? So thin… the connection, but so strong that the thread would be pulling me towards you even more by the second? More and more closer… until I could feel you breathe when I breathe, blink when I blink, because we'll be one and the same.

I shiver lightly and you stir--just a bit. Just a bit to make me jump off the bed and back away from where you now laid still, lazily blinking open hazy faded eyes. "Yami…?"

Luckily still having part of the blanket wrapped around my thin waist, I didn't feel as uncomfortable as I should have, falling to my knees in bare nakedness. I stare into your eyes for a long time as a chill blew through the slightly open window signaling an early Autumn.

You knew how much I loved Autumn… ne? Didn't I always tell you, on our quiet and peaceful strides down the Domino Sakura Park, that I use to just sit on the bench in that very park, just gazing up at the trees, watching lazily without a care in the world the leaves falling gently to the ground and brushing against my nose and lifting all my troubles away while they flew down to greet and thank me for watching their beauty? Didn't I?

"Bakura… let's go to the park, okay?" I suggest with a small voice, quiet as a shy, emotionless child.

After a couple of moments of you trying to read through my eyes and the expression of a thin line plastered on my face, you nod slowly, hesitantly agreeing. I saw the hesitation, and I knew you suspected something after I saw you look away from my face, standing up slowly and heading towards the bathroom in which we shared.

Every morning, didn't you always smile at me and say in a quiet voice "Ohayo"? Didn't you always tilt your head and peck me on my forehead? And if you woke up first, which was rare, watch me sleep until I snap my eyes open and you would just tell me you were watching me sleep, without me questioning anything?

Bakura… can you feel my pain??

-----------

"I know we didn't come here just so that we can see the last sakura blossoms fall to their dreadful end; is something wrong?," would've been pleasant to here from you, yet you just walk beside me, staring ahead at nothing in particular, waiting for me to speak up first. You were always the dominant one in our… what can I say? Relationship? I couldn't say love affair, there was no love in the numerous of times we slept together. Maybe from you… but wasn't that why we were here? Yes, yes… I wanted to know if you loved me. I wonder, did I love Seto, just because I gave my heart to him? Is giving your heart to someone, indicating that you love them? I wonder… I wonder…

Giving a sigh, I was about to speak, but there you went again. Surprising me once again, but I always knew, somehow, I always knew, that you were full of surprises.

"Autumn… You love Autumn…" I realized you were speaking to yourself, and I soon found myself smiling fondly at your thoughtful expression while you tried to remember what I loved about Autumn so much.

"The colors of the leaves," I answered for him, still with that fond smile on my face. You blink at me in surprise, and I'm glad the tension between us that formed this morning had dispersed.

Soon, we reached upon my favorite spot in Sakura Park, right under the huge Sakura tree that _never_ had its Sakuras fallen, the beauty of it lasting forever. We sat down quietly next to each other, leaning our backs on the huge trunk at the base of the tree, sighing at the peace Autumn brought. Then, I went serious, and I got you to know this by turning to face you, my face impassive. You sigh quietly, and looked upon me with the same expression as mine, if you can call it an expression. Your face mirroring my own. "Do you love me…?" the question came out so casually, so carelessly, it looked as if hurt flashed across your eyes. I knew you probably thought of this question as a light one, but you knew me too well, as you soon turned into, once again, an impassive form. I never took matters of love so lightly, and I still don't.

You answer without falter, your voice so quiet and like silk that it moved along with the oncoming gentle breeze that blew by occasionally. "Hai… I love you, Yami."

Anyone would've been happy to hear those words come out from such a beautiful man, but I wasn't. I was hurt, hurt so badly it stung my heart causing my chest to feel ever so heavier; my breathing coming out in small pants. Yet… all I did there was flinch as hurt expressed fully in my eyes. I guess you were taken aback, but you knew as well as I, that I did not want you to love me.

"Then why, Bakura?"

A flash of confusion crosses your flawless features. "Why what?"

I took a sharp intake of breath, confusion also spilled on my face, "Why, when you held me last night, did I feel co cold?"

There a breeze passed by again.

"My heart…" you replied slowly and carefully, "belongs to you. Yet… my love… I have, but have yet to express it towards you."

"Why won't you start now?"

You look straight into my eyes, almost as if a bit angered by me. "Why won't you love me?"

I looked away and muttered under my breath, but made sure you heard it. "If I said I loved you… I would be hurting you and myself; I don't want that… I'd just be lying to myself and to you; I'll just be pretending."

You shift closer to me, tilting my face towards yours, our noses touching as you smile in pain and in faint happiness. "Then pretend, Yami. Pretend for me."

At that moment, with the close proximity of our bodies, I felt the heat radiate off your body once more, and when this time I shifted closer to you, for you to hold me again, and when you asked in a low quiet voice, "Are you cold?"

I just smiled and shook "no", because… "I think I'm starting to fall in love with you."

You'd just smile back at me and breathe out, "I'm glad," and we'd watch the leaves fall and the blossom petals flutter to the ground while brushing against our noses and cheeks and dancing in the air.

_I'm glad too_… I thought silently, because I loved someone, who gave their heart and loved me back.

-----------

show me you love me

when I'm cold will you hold me?

even when I give my heart to you,

it doesn't mean I love you

will you take my hand and kiss me

with all meaningless words whispering?

even when you say "I love you"

it doesn't mean I feel the same

love hurts so much cause I

can never get enough of you

just letting you touch me too

is all the love I need to know

why won't you love me too

when I gave my heart to you

can never leave this place, all alone…

can never find the peace, settling inside of me

can you find… the love in my heart--

I gave to you, with all my soul

and now I find… the broken pieces of a mirror

now I find… my heart shattered beneath your hands

can't take the heart break

can't make you love someone

that you never loved in the first place

just take my heart and my love too

I think I'm starting to fall in love with you

can never leave this place, all alone…

can never find the peace, settling inside of me

can you find… the love in my heart--

I gave to you, with all my soul

and now I find… the broken pieces of a mirror

now I find… my heart shattered beneath your hands

can't take the heart break

can't make you love someone

that you never loved in the first place

why won't you love me too

when I gave my heart to you

can never leave this place, all alone…

can never find the peace, settling inside of me

can you find… the love in my heart--

I gave to you, with all my soul

show me you love me

when I'm cold will you hold me?

even when I give my heart to you,

it doesn't mean I love you

"Heart" doesn't mean "I love you" © Harika Huynh

Ai,

Harika Huynh


	3. Always

****

Admiration

Disclaimer: Yugioh ©1996 Kazuki Takahashi

Warnings/Notes: Shounen-ai implications. Yami's POV. 3 hours, new record. Sorry I haven't been updating too much. **Please vote everyone, does Yami end up with Bakura or Seto? XD I myself just _cannot_ decide. Also, SETO AND YAMI ARE ALREADY FRIENDLY WITH EACH OTHER.sweatdrop, So that explains why Seto is being a bit OOC...**

**Pysche** Eep. o.o; Yeah, I was… eh heh heh… I was actually on planning that so Yami can have more inner conflict with himself. XD Reads biggo reviewo . Eeeeeeh I couldn't have said it any better. Lol.

**Kimmy Nagasaki:Queen of Games** Sad? Err… thanks anyways for the review, XD;;

**Alexa.G** Well… seeing as how I have this chapter… I guess I'm not just leaving it at that, huh?** smiles**

**Please review and thank you to all who have so far! Me realize that this ficlet is soooooo sappy! pouts**

* * *

**October 24, 11:55 pm, Hakumei Lane**

Walking down the snowy path of Hakumei Lane (**Hakumei** meaning **Twilight**), I sniffed quietly, the freezing air getting the worse of me. I felt a tinge of dizziness fogging my mind, but I paid no attention to it.

Ever since that morning in Sakura Park, you and I have been… distant, lately. I couldn't fathom why. I mean, should I know the reason we now sleep in separate rooms? Should I know the reason why you now try to avoid my gaze and surprisingly, even my presence? You, the one who was close to _obsession_ with me, now acts as if I didn't exist. "Was it something I said? Something I did wrong to make you so cold towards me?" was such a cliché line to use in this situation. I wasn't one for clichés... So I didn't question you in that way, instead, I followed along with you. Avoiding you when possible, just so that I could "save you the trouble". It was my way of showing my dislike of your attitude towards me lately. It was my way of _obeying_ your _needs_ of "having some time alone". It was the way that drove me out here on the street.

Because we were… fading away, I guess you could say, I was more in doubt of the possibility of our relationship even lasting; if it even existed in the first place. I knew I possessed feelings for you… I'd cry if you were to past away, I'd worry if you went missing for days, I'd be restless if you were swallowed up in sadness, I'd be depressed if you left me to wake alone in bed… Yet, I couldn't shake the feeling of _guilt_… for doing something, something I wasn't aware of. Something I wanted to desperately know.

_DingDingDing _

The alarm ringing of my cell phone rang in my pocket, shaking me out of my brooding. Blinking once, I stopped under a street light before fishing out my cell. What could I have set up at this time of day? I don't recall any…

* * *

Seto's Birthday!

Do not forget! :)

12:00 am

* * *

I froze, staring down at the blinking message I had set almost a year ago. A small smile makes its way to the tip of my lips without my knowing, as I remember how I had embarrassingly confronted him myself for the date of his birthday.

* * *

_"Kaiba?" a voice called from behind large mahogany double doors after a stiff, quick knock._

_Seto Kaiba, handsomely drop-dead gorgeous blue-eyed brown-haired you'd-die-from-a-smile lovely poised and elegant bishounen of Japan, frowned slightly at his unexpected visitor's presence._

_"Yes?" taking this as permission to enter, Yami poked his head in from between two now opened doors, peeking around the massive office until his crimson eyes fell upon the questioning blue gaze of his rival. Smiling sheepishly, he stepped in quickly, closing the doors behind him quietly._

_Gesturing the obviously uneasy crimson-eyed boy to sit down, Seto himself sat across from him._

_"So… do what pleasure do I owe this lovely little visit?" Seto smirked casually._

_The shorter of the two chuckled quietly to himself, "Straight to the point as always, Kaiba-san. Maa… all I really have is a rather simple question actually."_

_Seto cocked an eye brow. "Go on…"_

_Yami glanced away from him to the side and then back to the face of his former priest. "Eto… when'syourbirthday?" he looked away again._

_Silence._

_Seto eyed Yami warily before he cracked into an almost exasperated expression. "Mutou… don't tell me… that you came 3 miles away from that old man's game shop just to ask when my birthday was…!"_

_Smiling sheepishly once again, Yami scratched the back of his neck. "Erm… yeah?"_

_"And why didn't you just look it up in one of those crazy personal-invading girl magazines?"_

_Yami simply stared at him._

_"Oh… right," Seto sighed, "It's the 25th of October."_

_The King of Games blinked in pure surprise. "You mean it was a week ago??"_

_Seto nodded, grunting slightly ._

_"Well… I'm surprised…" now it was Yami's turn to eye Seto uneasily, "so why didn't the media have a field trip with this one?"_

_Seto smiled a little smug smile before replying nonchalantly, "Because I threatened each and every one of their lives--jobs I mean, if I receive even just one gift in the mail."_

_Yami pressed his lips together amusingly, trying hard not to laugh while his crimson eyes danced brightly. "Ah, yes… the fan girls."_

_With another small grunt, Seto took a sip of a cup of tea that was seaming silently on his desk._

_A small chuckle escaped Yami's lips before he spoke thoughtfully, "I do wonder how much gifts you would receive if every fan girl of yours **did** know…"_

_Not to mention fan **boys** as well, Seto thought lazily, best not to mention that. Setting down his cup of tea, he grunted once more that night. "I don't like to think about it." _

_

* * *

_

I shook my head in two quick, light motions. Finally turning off my alarm, I scanned through my phone book before pressing the **call** button, waiting through a couple of phone rings until Birthday Boy picked up. I didn't have to wait long when I heard a familiar soothing voice through my cell.

* * *

"Moshi Moshi, Kaiba Seto speaking."

A fond smile. "Kaiba-san? I haven't woke you up, have I?"

"Not at all."

"I'm glad."

"… Did you need anything?"

"You didn't forget, did you? The bet we made almost a year ago."

I could almost hear the grin in his words. "Of course not."

"Then, Happy Birthday, _Seto_," he said cheerfully while emphasizing the CEO's name.

_A chuckle. "Thank you, **Yami**."_

_

* * *

_

_A sudden thought crossed Yami's mind. "How about we make a bet?" he asked with a playful grin._

_Seto blinked, taken aback by the random request. "A bet?"_

_"Yep! On your next birthday, if I can say 'Happy Birthday' to you at exactly 12:00 am on your special day, then…" he looked up at the ceiling, tapping his chin._

_Seto smiled, amused by the bet already. "Then…?"_

_"Then…" he looked back at his rival and somewhat friend with eyes gleaming, "we'll go onto first names term, alright?"_

_Seto blinked. Once. Twice. Before he himself had his eyes gleaming and nodded, agreeing with and anticipating the day of his next Birthday._

_

* * *

_

Hanging up, I laughed quietly. Seto always knew how to cheer me up… but slowly, the laughing faded, and a frown emerged on my face instead.

That feeling of guilt… guilt of knowing… that I'll always love Seto.

Was that why you left me, Bakura?

* * *

SHOULD YAMI END UP WITH SETO OR BAKURA? VOTE NOOOOOOOOOW!!!!!! PLEASE. HEHE. I'll give you a week. :D

OMfreakingG, Yami just can never let go of Seto, huh? XD;;; I wonder whose fault is that, lol.

Ai,

Harika Huynh


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